[vh9076]

There was a thread on this a while back. Given that there are instances where this is not always a true statement and it will affect the rest of your son's life after you tell him - please think twice about it.

As and adoptee, that sort of painful information would impact me in a big way. I do not know much history about my birthparents and never completed a search because I didn't want to find out painful information. I have thought about "what if" my birthmother was raped. That would mean one half of my DNA is from a man that did something so raw, crude and sick. Would that make me second guess what makes me...me? Would that make me feel like my very existence would have sickened my birthmother to the core to the point where she had to give me up?

That is a lot of baggage for someone to handle. Even if you knew it was 100% true, I wouldn't tell it. Not to him, not on a blog spot, not to any family/friends.

If you say it might not be true, well that softens it only a tiny bit. Then the wonder is still there at a minimum and you add the concept that the birthmother felt compelled to lie to give him away.

What good can come of it? You might say he has a right to know. Yep, that is true. But balance the right to know against the terror he is going to associate his conception and DNA with and please protect him from that as his parents.

Sorry for the rant, but jeez, there are lots of kids out there that create a fantasy about thier adoption that helps them cope (I have one, you make up the pieces you don't know). I am a happy, adjusted, normal person. I like it that way. I will allow Ava to fill in the peices of her adoption fantasy as well. It will help her cope. I will not damage her with information that she might have a right to know, but does not need to know.