Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda
hollyhunter
I never thought I was good enough to be creative on terms of me.. I wonder if I do even today.."
Me too.
"I do not want anyone to see my work.. I do not want to render myself vulnerable to what people think of me.."
Ditto
"I had to take care of me..
I hate being vulnerable..
Jackie
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Jackie, you can see my thoughts. For me, being volnerable, has always been seen, at least in the eyes of most people around me,, and thus me, as weakness. Weakness did not equal survival in my world. As a child, I learned that being the center of attention was never a good thing. Creativity was always crushed to make room for conformity. My creative successes were not appreciated, much less acknowledged, and shrugged off as nothing, so I learned to hide them.
The result of this was to hide my drawings, and eventually to stop. It also caused me major stage fright issues to the point of blanking out when called up on to perform...not a good thing for someone who plays a musical instrument. lol I was working on overcoming this issue, but it seems that reunion has crushed my passion for playing. I need to get it back.
I've been following this thread. With all you guys have posted, I'm going to get this book. I hope you don't mind if I keep following along, but I don't want to intrude. I think I would prefer to stay a lurker for now. , and I'm really excited about the book.
Obviously, due to the being blind thing, I can no longer draw. The last picture I drew was done about 10 years ago, and it was the first I had attempted in many years. It was a charcoal of a stallions head. The only person who has seen it has been my husband. I don't really know why, but a few months ago, I mentioned to my husband that I had been thinking about framing it. Well, he took it, and framed it for me. It's hanging in my hall for anyone to see. I never would have considered doing something like that without his encouragement. I have to admit,it's not my best work, but it really feels good to know it is there...hanging on the wall...for anyone to see, and the fact that I can't se it is a good thing. I wont know when anyone may be looking at it...less anxiety. lol Hanging it was a baby step in saying, "Look at me. See what I did."
I appologize for the highjack, but Jackie, you inspire me..Thank you for all you do.