[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Hey everyone. I'm glad to have found this place, because I need some perspective from people who have been there and who are outside of this particular situation (not family, etc.)

I just turned 22 last week. I am about 18-19 weeks pregnant (the only thing I found out at the last doctor visit was only "o hai, btw ur preggers. kthnxbye", and not how far along or what gender it is.) I am in no way ready to parent, either financially or emotionally. Sure, I could read to my child and play on the floor with her, but so can a lot of people - that doesn't make them parent material. Anyway, I won't list all of that here (you have better things to do with a week), but I know that I am simply not ready to parent. I have never wanted children and this "surprise" hasn't really changed that.

My main dilemma is this: I'm not sure who the father of the baby is, my husband "R", or my best friend "C". I love both of them dearly, but my husband doesn't know that C. and I have been together that way. He thinks the baby is his, and due to his emotional issues, I intend to let him think this is so. C. is aware that it could be either of theirs. Both of them are fully accepting of whatever decision I make, and both have agreed to sign over their parental rights if I do choose to place the child for adoption.

Right now C. and I are living with my dad and stepmom, part of a plan to relocate C. away from his godawful parents. (Another long story.) R. stayed back home, but is planning to come here at a later date when we have the money. A plan was made for this relocation (the three of us, as friends, would share a house as a sort of financial arrangement.) before I found out I was pregnant. When I found out, the doc said I was about 12-14 weeks along.

Adoption was not my first choice. Abortion was. However, since I am so far along, there was simply no way to come up with the large amount of money needed to go that route. (Hard to hear for many, I know. Sorry, but it's the truth.)

The thing is, when I told stepmom about the "dueling paternity" issue, she thinks that if I go through an adoption agency that tests will be done and it will come out to my husband wether I like it or not. I know that in Texas the bFathers have the right to know of the pregnancy and the eMom's adoption plan, but beyond that I haven't been able to find anything else. I have emailed an adoption agency in Austin with my questions, but no answer yet (this was only yesterday afternoon, however.) Of course, this is the woman who thinks you can't name the baby at all before placement, or that gay or lesbian couples would even want children. I also think that it has partly to do with their "moral" direction on the matter and the fact that they want another grandchild. It's not like they will totally miss out on the experience, they have 3 grandkids by her daughters and 4 grandkids by my half-sister (dad's other daughter from first marriage. this is his third.). They keep subtly pushing the idea of parenting at me with their words like, "If you keep it" and "further down the road" and "just in case."

Last night we were discussing how I might apply for MedicAid and WIC for pregnancy. Stepmom wants me to say that R. and I are separated (we are, but only physically, not emotionally or legally) and that I want to keep the child and he doesn't, to cover up the fact that he doesn't work (reason why is ambiguous at this point, but i support his reason). They want me to say I'm going to keep the baby, then if I am going to pursue adoption options, to do so after baby is born. That if I tell them (MedicAID/WIC) I'm considering adoption, then they'll just tell me to go through an agency...circle back around to the paternity thing. This angered me because I know exactly what they're thinking -- that if I keep the child for a few weeks/months and have to raise it, I'll suddenly go "Awww, I'm keeping you" because I'm now attatched to it. That's what both of my stepsisters did with their unplanned pregnancies. (Sort of. The younger of them took fertility drugs to please her husband, but being told all her life she wouldn't concieve, she thought they wouldn't work. They now have a six month old son, cute as a bug.) I already am "attached" to my unborn baby, and I love her to death, but I don't believe I would be able raise her well. I'm just not ready.

Anyone have insight into Texas law or the two bFather issue? Like I said before, both are supportive of an adoption plan and have told me they will give up parental rights. They have not gone back and forth with the issue or threatened me or anything like that; they're both really great people.