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achildren are exposed to their aparents experiencing a myriad of emotions over the course of their childhood. they are going to soak some of that up, and they are probably going to imitate the way their parents handle these emotions. i think it would be ridiculous to remove a child from their aparent for a year while the aparent grieves a relative's death, for example, even though a child will surely be sensitive to and affected by their aparent's pain and loss in this situation. -------
But the aparents grief in this example IS NOT CAUSED BY THE KID. Akids feel the GUILT of the pain their bmoms harbor. They get silently saddled with the baggage, and it weighs them down, even though noone means to do that.====================
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And my pain isn't caused by "THE KID" either. "Akids" aren't why we feel pain. Do I miss my daughter? - absolutely - but I do not put my pain on her. It's not her responsibility to absorb it and get "silently saddled down" with it.
If anything, in OA I think I'd be there to be able to reassure her that it's not the case. Kids that are in closed adoptions have a hard time emotionally dealing with adoption as well - when they have no one to answer the question of "why?" No one except their aparent who likely doesn't know the absolute truth of the matter.