Got your coffee handy?
I finally made my decision back in March to attempt to contact my bmom. As some of you know I sent her a letter and we are in contact. We email about once or so a week, we've talked on the phone a few times, but I feel like things are in a strange place.
I asked her back when this started if I could get a medical history. She promised a detailed one, and I've never seen it, she promised to send me a photo of her, and I've never gotten that either. I've provided her with photos of myself, and my children, I sent her a card for mother's day (just a card that said enjoy your day with your family), I've so far done everything that she's sort of asked from me.
She emails me about how much she loves me and how wonderful I am and how she wants to pay for me to come and visit her. However I feel weird, because, it's over whemling and I almost feel like it's all talk.
I feel like I can't ask her again or say "Hey, what about hat medical history" or "Can I have a photo of you or my half brother?" Is this normal? To not feel as though you can request or ask for anything from someone?
Also, the subject of my biodad is really touchy with her. I sent her a myspace page to ask 'if it's not too painful, can you let me know if this is him?' and she ignored the email completely. I also don't feel like i can bring that up because she seems to want to avoid the topic. I sent a message there this week asking if he might be the person I am looking for, but I'm also afraid to tell her.
I fear that she'll back out of things.
She also told me that her mother wants to speak to me but she won't let her. She's got some resentment about having to put me up for adoption with her family, ( her comment was I'm in control now!)and I supported her decision and said "whatever you feel is comfortable for you" and "maybe we should establish our relationship first".
I want to be understanding and I want to be able to have a relationship with her but half the time I feel like I don't know what's going on with things. I do appreciate the emails telling me how much she loves me but I also wonder why it's so hard to follow through with anything?
This reunion has starting to feel so draining on me emotionally that I'm contemplating actually seeing a therapist for my own piece of mind.
Anyone have any insight from their experiences?
