[Jackiejdajda]

hollyhunter

Its funny to think God doesn't want us to be creative. God the creator? Ha Ha! get it? I mean the whole universe is God's creation and he ain't done yet. He created us in His image, therefore we have that creative force within us. Creative energy comes from that part of us all that would be empty were it not for His presence.

That is beautifully written..
And I totally missed that information when I was growing up..

My mom lied big time once.. this on terms of winning a prize a watch..
There was a coloring contest.. it was on the back of the Rice Crispies box.. kids were supposed to color in the characters and send them in.. my mom colored the box.. One for my sister and one for me..
We won.. and I had to go to a priest or a guy that was part of the church and say I had done the coloring..
What a lesson.. I know my mom felt a little guilt because she got the information that the kid that won the first prize was the son of a commercial artist.. (an excuse)

So my lesson was not that God was in charge of my creativity.. mine was that I needed to copy and copy some more in order to succeed..

When I lived in Boston I was a commercial fashion artist.. I copied a great artist that worked out of Montreal.. Eugene Grove.. was the name I think..
I never thought I was good enough to be creative on terms of me.. I wonder if I do even today..
I do not want anyone to see my work.. I do not want to render myself vulnerable to what people think of me..

You wrote..
“Creative energy comes from that part of us all that would be empty were it not for His presence.”

I keep seeking that creative energy..

We should not try to fill it with things like drugs, alcohol, food, possessions....Keep it empty, still and quiet.

Yes.. Find your bliss Joseph Campbell said..

I came home today hoping my book would be in the mail. I looked in my box to see one of those yellow slips from the post office about a package. It was from D. A few weeks ago I called it quits on the reunion and explained as best I could why I needed to let go.I think I just need my sanity back. I'd hoped she understood.She said she did and it wasn't really her, its just the situation. I'm sort of afraid to go to the post office now.

Oh my goodness.. I would be afraid as well.
I sent my bson a book for his birthday.. I go on a book site and order the book and have it sent to him..
I have a feeling he thinks of me as being one step removed from personal contact.. and I am..
In the beginning I tried to go to the store and purchase something and wrap it up and send it in a box..
It drained me.. and then I came to the place of understanding.. that I needed to be one step removed and if he did not like that.. so be it..

I had to take care of me..
I hate being vulnerable..

Jackie