Thanks so much for your kind thoughts...
I'm just now able to write back because I have an unbelievable amount of anger towards those that are allowing such an injustice to take place...
My biggest fear is that when I go to NJ to appear in court to answer to everything that is going on here, I will not return with Jonathan. I fear that they will order him to remain in NJ...
I'm so ANGRY...
WHY do I have to answer to something that hasn't been proven?
An investigator from the NJ Law Guardians office FLEW here today... he spent about an hour in my house... He spent more time on the flight than he did in my house... Talk about a waste of money... BTW, he said he had no concerns...
JDs caseworker was supposed to come yesterday. She sat on the runway in Newark for 4 hours before the flight was cancelled. She and her supervisor have been extremely supportive.
I flat out told them that if their plan was to remove JD on Monday that they PLEASE let me know. Just so I can prepare myself (how do you do that?) and try to prepare him... pack him a few things... They said that their intention is NOT to remove JD... They even discussed that if an allegation were substantiated, getting a waiver so we could continue the adoption... They have no concerns...
I just need to get through Monday.
I'm trying to be positive... everyone says, the longer it goes on, the better it is for me on appeal (if I have to). They say that how can they substantiate an allegation of abuse and take over 4 months to do it? It would get tossed on appeal... How could they remove one child (age 16) and leave the other 3 (age 1,2,and 3 at the time)? How could a well seasoned investigator tell you that you could not record the conversation?
Everyone also fails to realize that all the children that made the alleged statements all have one common denominator... the racist caseworker that I have been having issues with this entire time.
ALL of the children that made these so-called allegations have the same caseworker...
The thing is that if they take one child, they have to take both. They can't have a good enough reason to remove one child without having a valid reason to remove both. If they take Jon, I will probably relinquish Brandon because I would not be able to take Brandon asking for Jon over and over... I don't think I could do it. It would not only be a great loss for me, but a great loss for them... they would lose each other... and they are VERY close.
What would I do with all their things?
I just don't want to think about it, but I just feel like if I expect the worst I won't be disappointed. Everyone tells me that things won't happen that way and I worry too much. I'm their parent. How could I NOT worry? I've had the rug pulled out from under me WAY too much on the past few months...
I just have to trust God and put it in His hands and leave it there... If I don't leave it, then that means that I don't trust Him... I DO trust Him... I just feel like I can't help but wonder if this will be the last weekend that my family will be whole...
Thank you for your prayers... they are greatly appreciated.