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Wow, Storm, mum and jackie, thank you so much. All of your replies helped me start to put things in perspective. I'm not going to fix this overnight but I guess trying is enough for now.
Z's amom emailed me last night and let me know that it was ok for me to tell her how I was feeling and that she understands (as much as she can). While it is hard to have so much openness with the person who gets to kiss Z goodnight, it is a comfort to be able to have the opportunity to have communication.
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