[LilyPadJumper]

Hi, I'm new here....still trying to find my way around.

I'm a bmom who placed two weeks ago. I am in an OA but there was no specific agreement in place (that's a WHOLE other story) but I've meet Z's parents and spent a lot of time with them. I have their email addys, phone numbers, street address, their flickr page...the whole shebang.

(This might be long, I'm still in that spilling it all out stage)

I have good days and really bad days. I sent in my medical history packet to the lawyer last week and for some reason he shared with Z's aDad that I had been seeing someone for depression. At the end of the day, that info is for them to know about Z's medical history but his Dad sent me an email about it.

I know he was just trying to be loving and comforting but he proceeded to bear his testimony in his Christian faith, that he knows I don't participate in,trying to offer an avenue for me to find comfort. I made the mistake of responding when I was overly emotional and also responded to an email from Z's aMom that was sent a couple hours later.

I feel bad that I poured out my grief on to them and opened up how hard I'm dealing with all of this. I recognize that I'm allowed to be feeling all of the things I'm feeling, especially since Z spent two weeks with me after his birth. But if they ask me how I'm doing and bring up the grieving process, how far do I go? I was respectful and made sure to let them know that while I'm sad, I know Z is in the right place. I just feel bad for burdening them.

I had been seeing a therapist during my pregnancy, but she moved away for the summer during my 7th month. She'll be back soon and I've already let her know that I need to see her as soon as she can fit me in. I've struggled with depression for years but this just takes it to a new level.

I'm just struggling and my Mom keeps saying "Is there anything I can do for you?" Z and I stayed at her house those two weeks and I already feel bad enough that she had to go through all of that, falling in love with him as well and having to say goodbye to her grandson. This process isn't something you can DO something for. The only thing you can DO is talk about it and I feel like any time I talk about it to people in my life, I am burdening them with my pain and suffering.....

See, I'm spilling. I'll stop and listen now. Thanks.