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When I adopted my daughter from another state, it was called a "pre-adoptive placement." Basically, she was still a foster child, but the intention was that I would adopt her. To me, foater to adopt means the child is placed with a foster family, becomes available, and the family decides to adopt. But I'm not the expert on terminology.
The state I adopted from required a 6 month placement before I could even do any paperwork to adopt K. All that time she wash legally a foster child. I, nor anyone I know, never referred to her that way. She was my daughter. But all subsidies, legal requirements, etc, were from the state she was based in, not mine.
I talked extensively with people who knew K and did a "blind meeting" before I was included in the final selection process. I had tons of info on her and talked to her former FM. I had a pretty good idea of what her issues were and believed I could deal with them. While living with a child is different than reading about one on paper, in general what I was presented with is what I got. I know that's not always the case, but I was fortunate. K had been through other pre-adoptive placements that didn't work, so much effort was put into making sure this one did.
After I was selected as her family, I spent a couple hours with K. She knew why, though if for some reason we didn't click or I saw behaviors I just couldn't handle, I probably could have backed out at that point. Over the course of 5 months I visited her 6 times, for weekends or longer, until ICPC was finalized and she could travel to my state. Then she did several week-long visits at my home.
Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have further questions.
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