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Hi, I'm an Aparent but also a woman who is very sensitive to gender preference. I don't know why but it makes me super uncomfortable! My first instinct when reading your post was that you were in a way lucky if her decision WAS based on something so cut and dry (less complicated/nothing to do with "you" kwim?) but then I thought that maybe the gender issue is helping you access some anger that was buried there anyway.
If you don't want to cause any trouble and feel a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of your anger why don't you write her a letter asking her if she placed you and your female sibs because of your gender?
The worst answer you will get is Yes (which you are thinking now anyway). But you may also get an explanation that helps you forgive it. For instance there are people who don't place boys because they carry the family name. There are others that don't place boys because they live in places where there is a lot of physical labor. And I know many people think girls are stronger, more able to survive and others who think the opposite. Even though I think all these reasons are ridiculous I have to say that none of them are BAD in so much as they are "rational" or coming from a loving place.
Whatever the reason, I hope you feel it, move through it and forgive her because that will be the best thing for you ...I"m sorry if this sounded preachy. I just read your post and got a rush of wanting to protect you! I grew up in a house with a huge amount of gender bias and it bothers me to no end! So I do get it.
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“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” - Barbara Kingsolver
"If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie
"Nothing's gonna change my world." - John Lennon
Last edited by Stormster : 08-10-2008 at 05:26 AM.
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