Mommy, I think the discussion regarding care, etc. was misinterpreted by you. I posed some situations that trigger social services to move a child. Helen then posed a question—does she do what she does because she is a relative?
There were several responses from foster parents who said, no, they didn’t think so. Helen received a nice compliment personally for her care of her daughters. Well deserved, I think. It was a good discussion with lots of interesting feedback. And the general consensus was that most foster families do as much or more than relatives, because they love their foster children. I, for one, was very happy to read all those reponses.
I don’t think the sincerity or care foster parents provide in general is questioned by anyone who has posted on this thread. You don’t like it when broad generalizations are made, please don’t do that to others.
Regarding the statement that relatives have no right to question or comment on foster families and what they do unless and until they have fostered themselves—
I don’t need to be a policeman to have an opinion of how I would like the police to do their job—I want them to enforce the laws I voted into place. Someone does not have to be a teacher to know what they want for their children’s education—parents want the state curriculum taught and good communication with the teacher. I don’t need to be a doctor to know what I want for my medical care-I want research-based methods to diagnose and treat my illness. I do not need to be a politician to have an opinion on how my state and federal government is run—I am a voting citizen.
And I do not need to be a foster parent to see the problems in the foster care system. The laws that guide this system were voted into place by all citizens of this country, everyone’s tax dollars pay for it.
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Originally Posted by mommy2fiveplus
I'll have to remind my friend she picked the "defective" child at Kids-R-Us to adopt, she should have watied for another to come along instead of adopting the one with medical problems. Oh, that's right, maybe I should have waited to, I'm sure some healthy child would have come along that I could have "stolen" from his/her brithfamily.
RobinKay- I realize you have a huge distaste for the actions of the ffamily that had your son, please don't think they they wanted to "keep him" because he was perfect. Many foster parents adopt children that are not perfect, perhaps it was not his athletics, smart brain or healthiness they fell in love with, maybe it was his smile, or the way that he brushed his hair back or how he looked when riding a swing. I think you judge them too harshly and put this "they only wanted him, because he was perfect and they wouldn't have accepted an imperfect child" label on them, that is wrong, for all you know they could have fallen head over heels for a drug-exposed ugly child with CP. It is not outward aspects of a child that make them "the perfect fit" for a family, Just because you love his athletic ability or his smart brain, does not mean that they "fell in love" with those same things.
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I found the tone of this part of your post very disrespectful. When I have described my son’s foster family, I have been honest and based everything on their actions and statements to me. They stated to me they were not interested in adoption until they got this child. They stated they liked his athletic ability, his good performance at school, etc. When he was moved, they gave up their license, (per their supervisor). In a Christmas card, they said they were adopting a 3 yr old boy. We called to congratulate them—and fmom said, no, we just ‘put in our order” for a 3 yr old boy. There wasn’t an actual child transitioning or placed with them yet. She wasn’t kidding—they literally told the agency this is what they wanted and they were not interested in anything else. This is what I base my statements on.
I have stated over and over, Mommy, that I realize that not all fparents are like this. I have stated over and over that I was glad to learn this from everyone on this site.
The reason I started this thread is because there are many, not all, but many like the foster parents that cared for my son. There are many foster parents who will, given any opportunity, fight the return of their beloved foster child to relatives. Sometimes it is certainly justified when the situation is not safe for the child to return—I would like to be acknowledged for supporting those posters on this site, for agreeing with them.
My purpose in posting this thread was to raise awareness and promote open discussion and communication between and among foster parents, relatives, and those who belong to both groups. I see progress as most posters acknowledge and validate each other’s point of view—that is the first step.