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Originally Posted by Tudu
My sibling group had about 14 homes (we had to count in their files and ask previous FP) and they were returned home between 3-5 times, depending on the child. Some of the additional placements were b/c FP had spanked them or had been accused of abusing them (I completely understand why the FP did what they did, my kids falsey accused them so they could move), they destroyed everything of value another home had (again to move), one of my kids tried to kill herself, they were moved to be together and apart, they were moved b/c they were endangering other children, made the DH uncomfortable, and many other silly reasons. I would say that even if the moves were not always the child's "fault" it is still a concern b/c it doesn't allow the child to have a stable caregiver leading to attachment issues when they are in a permanent home. We were told our kids were the cream of the crop, no issues at all, they began having sex with each other on the preplacement visits, assaulted me too many times to recall, destroyed their toys within minutes of receiving them, and had no idea how to even act normal for short periods. Good thing we were prepared for the worst.
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that's awful! but yet a really good example of how a cw doesn't prepare a parent for the placement. so often they tell the receiving parent that there are no issues...when there are SO many. i sometimes think they do this to give the kids a clean slate....but sometimes parents caught off guard weren't prepared to deal with the issues that came. i'm pretty sure i could NOT have dealt with some of the issues you mentioned above. they do a great disservice to these children when they lie (and i know this is not always...but it is too often). the children i ended up adopting came with a similar story- no issues, cream of the crop. yeah.....bunch of liars. turns out they had so many placements no one really knows how many homes they were in the 3 year period before they got to me. everyone's records are different. they were "returned" to the group home sometimes after only a week in a placement. no issues? right......but what frosts me the MOST is that after a few months we suspected something was going on and we asked.....no issues they say again...we ask for a psych eval, we are told they never had one and there is no need for one. FINALLY, nearly 2 years later, months before finalization, they tell us that the kids need a psych eval. really? we take them....it is NOT good AND TURNS OUT THEY ALREADY HAD ONE! a week after we said we'd take them as a placement and a few days before they moved in.....and there were PLENTY of dx of concern on them both! yet we were never told....even though we ASKED! i suspect they were having a heck of a time placing them and just needed them to be somewhere.....but in LYING to me about it, it greatly delayed us seeking appropriate help for our children and nearly drove us to disrupt bc we couldn't figure out to deal with 2 "perfect" kids with "no problems." when i reported problems to the cw i was made to feel like i was CRAZY! once we got the dx and read up on them, we realized immediately what we were doing wrong and were able to start the healing process. but it would have been alot faster and healthier in this house had they been
truthful.
all that to say....sometimes, cw's are not truthful about the REAL issues. and not everyone is equipped to deal with every problem. as foster parents we are told to expect the worst....but when the phone rings and they spin tales of joy and happiness and leave out the realities ....it only sets everyone up for failure.