[RavenSong]

I just want to thank you all for caring. When I'm tempted to think that I'm all alone with my problems and thoughts, I come here to the forums....and I know I'm not alone.

VJ, you spoke of the fantasy that we carry as adult survivors of child abuse. And you are so right... When we were kids, we thought it was our fault, that if we changed something, got better grades, said the right thing, were better human beings, then maybe Mommy or Daddy wouldn't have to be so mean. And then we grow up and find that we still somehow think that if we were just better people, made more money, had a better career, achieved greater goals, then maybe Mom or Dad would give us their approval. Boy, it never ends, does it?

I set boundaries with my mom, very strong boundaries. I never hesitate to say "no" to her, and I say it often. When she is being hurtful or mean, I put her in "time out" and refuse to play the game. And then something happens when I see her vulnerabilities, her fears, her needs, her pain, and I absolutely melt into a pile of Jello. It's like I'm that 4-year-old kid once again, crawling up onto her bed with a box of Kleenex to dry her tears. "Don't worry Mommy, I'll protect you. We'll be okay. I won't let anybody hurt you."

And that is exactly what happened today when I talked to her on the phone. My heart crumbled and broke with the pain and love I felt for her. I wanted at that moment more than anything else in the whole world to be by her bedside with a box of Kleenex. (I'll post about my day's experience in a bit on this thread. I have to take a short rest first, though.)

Kim, "daughter guilt" is a good description. I think a lot of the guilt I feel right now is probably pretty universal among all women in our society. We're the caregivers, the nurturers, the nursemaids, the daughters.

Thanks for the link to Brandy's thread. I am going to go read thru it in a bit. I had forgotten how she is dealing with the same problem...thanks for reminding me!

Tracy, you are blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with your mom. Thank you so much for your encouragement!

JustPeachy, what you write touches me. I have been dreading this day for years now. What's strange to me is I thought beforehand I would know exactly what to do when it arrived. I had it all planned out in my head, what I would say and what I would do. And now that it's happening, I'm having really unexpected feelings about the whole thing.

Donna, as usual, you have such wise and rational advise. A huge part of the problem I'm having is the lack of financial resources. It's all I can do to hold onto my house right now. And all the government cuts in social programs (especially Medicaid and SSI) that have taken place the past few years are really going to affect this situation. My mom is on Social Security retirement benefits, and the social worker today said that a fixed income of $1000 per month is too much to qualify for Medicaid. I have a feeling there are going to be a few struggles with red tape and social workers before solutions are found.

Anyway, just wanted to thank you all. I'll be back in a little while and post about my day.