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What a horrifying adventure this has been for you! I'm so sorry this is what adoption is meaning to you.
Let me suggest....that you go strictly with 'already born babies'...or that you deal with an agency that will only 'let you know about your baby'...once everything is done (relinquishments, courts, etc). There is one agency I'm familiar with that does just that and if you'd like the name of it, I'll be glad to pm it to you.
The other horrid part about this, is that you've lost so much $$...which is another evil in adoption, as far as I'm concerned. Can you find an agency that will allow you to pay---any---or at least most of the fees AFTER everything is basically 'a go'? This is one thing that irritates me to no end about some agencies; and I believe it's totally unfair. (MHO, I realize....but give me a break........why should $$ like this be exchanged when nothing is 'set' yet?)
Please don't think I'm pointing my finger and lecturing you. I've read cases like yours before and they're heartbreaking. You and your spouse deserve a medal for going through so much....you really do.
But, if it were me....I'd totally change the way I was looking for my baby; and I'd use some of the practices I've suggested above.
Good luck. Don't give up. Your baby IS out there...despite all of this %#*. It will happen. Keep thinking as positively as you can. ((HUG))
My best to you...
Sincerely,
Linny
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