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Raven, I could have written your post, though my mom is not (yet) in need of caretaking at the level your mom is. I dread the day she does, though, and feel it is coming soon. I don't think I can do it.
I wish I had answers for you, but I don't other than to say you are not obligated to care for your mom and really logistically, you can't. Also, it seems she requires a level of care that only a professional should be providing (medical and/or mental health-wise). Even if you were there for her, it probably would never be enough in her eyes, and she would find a way to sabotage the care you would give her anyway. THAT is why you cannot do what your cousins did for your aunt. In addition, your aunt had healthy loving relationships with them. I know how it is to lose such an aunt. I had one myself and she was really my mom to me.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate, and know how hard it is.
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