[joskids]

I also "ache" for you. There isn't much I can do but to offer my best wishes for your future adoption. Think of it this way, if you can. If, NOW, after all you've been through, you give up --- you will NEVER adopt. If you trust in yourself and your higher power (whatever that is, God, Karma, whatever your belief), it WILL HAPPEN. Consider all of the older children who have been in foster care and suffered abuse and neglect in their past. Imagine how hard it is for THEM to ever trust again that someone will love them. And then try to get thru each day knowing that if you keep reaching out, it will eventually happen. As to losing those amounts of moneys, I know of many agencies where you would NOT lose that kind of money if a child is not placed with you. Feel free to PM me at your convenience.

Hugs,
Josie