[mommy2fiveplus]

I agree, I have done both relative adoption and foster-adopt and relative was by far the hardest and remains the hardest.

Also she is 18, she could change her mind, and if she regrets placing in a couple years you will see first hand what that can do to bmom's, typically aparents do not have to witness the grief and regret on a day to day basis.

Also boundry setting is soooo difficult later in a relative adoption, extended family and bioparents seem to see the kid as community property.

You will have to get biodad's signature to sign off, he may seem disinterested now but hings can change after the baby is here.

If it works it can be very rewarding but when it doesn't it can be devestating and it can ruin relationships.

Think about this- what if she agrees to place with you and at the last moment after she holds her new baby she can't sign off her rights? How will that effect your relationship? Will she feel guilt at hurting you and be pressured to sign off when she really wants to parent? Will you be able to put aside your grief and loss and support her in her decision, knowing this baby could have been yours?

I am lucky to an extent, my relative adoption occurred because he went into foster care and we decided to adopt him, I did not have to deal with parents making any choices, thier rights were terminated by the state, not voluntarily.