[committedsoul]

I'm just dealing with a lot of racism within DHHS... as far as adopting Brandon... With me being black and him being white... it's such a messed up situation and it's now threatening Jon's adoption... I'm just in a space right now of utter loss. There is a whole lot of them and only one of me, so I just don't know what to do. I know that if I give it God, I have to trust Him to take care of it and I can't worry about it because whatever happens is in His will, but it's just not that easy. This has been going on for months and I know that if I was home in NJ, I would know where to go and who to turn to... but then again, if I was in NJ, this wouldn't be happening...

Brandon went to the potty for the first time just now... my living room smells like poo...

I love my kids...

I've obsessed over this and lost sleep over this and cried too many tears to wipe... and there is a part of me that says that I need to not obsess over what isn't mine... I'm stressing over what is, and the end of the day, someone else's child...

Part of me wants to let them go...

Thanks for letting me vent... there is so much more, but I gotta empty that potty...