Oh I totally understand what you are saying about OA not being defined. I am a firm believer in detailing the exact terms of an OA in advance so you know exactly what you ARE promising. I feel that both mothers need to be equally responsible for defining their understanding of the OA. Not to say it cannot evolve over time but the right of the birth mother to know what the minimum contact will be is "humanity 101" IMHO.
Hopefully down the line there will be a way to achieve this 
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“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” - Barbara Kingsolver
"If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie
"Nothing's gonna change my world." - John Lennon
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