No, stormster, nothing about my post was about "you", not at all
And I don't make "promises you (I) don't intened to keep" (one of my favorite all time Disney animation lines actually!)
I just don't think, even with all of the discussion out here, that OA can be "defined", tha'ts where the "adhering" idea stemmed from. Even the glossary out here on this site doesn't give a definite answer or definition or example. The glossary says something about names and phone numbers being exchange and the birth...doesn't mention "visits". But so many discussions out here stress OA with visits, like that defines it. If I asked outloud what is OA I would get 250 different anwers and examples...but who's right and who's not? What
is someone expecting when they hear they're going into an "OA" if there is no expectation set? I guess that's where I get confused about it out here.
From what I've read the major issues with "OA" stem from there
not being clear discussion about expectations whether pre or post adoption (days, months or years into it) from
all persons invovled. Not setting goals, boundaries, expectations, desires, whatever each person is seeking of the relationship. If it's fear on all sides driving it, or other factors then those are the issues of individuals within an OA and not issues of "OA".
If there's no set definition of what OA is, but you're promised an OA...what are you hoping for if it's not clearly defined to (or hopefully by) you (this goes equally for the aparent, eparent, bparent)? Someone could promise me a week's vacation in paradise, but if I don't tell them what paradise is for me I might wind up on and island in the heat...and I HATE the heat. Paradise for me is snow. I guess I just think there's a "paradise" being offered with no fine print or attention being paid or offered to
all of the individuals involved. I'm newer to the site, so I am sorry if I'm sticking on something that was already unstuck...point me to the answers if they're out there!!