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Binkybear, once again you've expressed it perfectly-- thank you!
The OA you describe is what I had in mind as well... not a stringent one way communication between adults nor a blended family but rather a mediated and yes, somewhat guarded interaction between aparents, child and bfamily. While it's informative to hear from aparents who are flourishing in far more open scenarios and also from bmothers who agonize over a lack of contact, it also strengthens my own vision of what adoption will need to look like in my life.
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