I get what Leigh is trying to say. I get and see what each individual poster tries to say in each thread I decided to read, it's all so personal and individual. There might be one technical, in the books, definition of OA, but there's no one definition for each individual person within it. There might be one websters definition of marriage, dating, birth, labor, home, career, female and male...but we all know how VERY different those things all are for each individual person and/or family. We can't define it out here and the more I read threads where people are almost desperately trying to make others adhere to their ideas the more turned off I personally get about the threads and site.
For example I hear the comments about semi open being like adult penpals and it totally goes against what my personal vision of semi open was. I had this vision of a toddler coloring pages for the letter updates, I envisioned a young child adding their own page to each letter, and a teen having such a bigger piece of the communications. I've always said I would never promise more than what I could commit to up front. I hope and want for more, but in the beginning I won't make promises based on unknowns. I just won't. Knowing what my definition is and knowing myself I don't take the snarky comments, other persons baggage, and the assumptions to heart. Who needs the added issues in an already complicated world and process!?
I Sometimes I just have to tell myself that for some this site might not really be about support (listening) as much as it is about therapy (talking). There is a big difference, yah know. (??)
Overall, I'm glad I found the site. I'm at a place in my life today where I can sift through it all and take from it what I find helpful. Maybe it's that everyone's personal experience is being misunderstood and misrepresented, how could a site represent each one? Maybe that's where there needs to be a little more understanding, listening and acceptance rather than trying to get others to adhere to a single defining ideal of OA.
Leigh, I also see where you were "writing" from. If I'm reading correctly the non issues you spoke of were from "you" the aparent. I sometimes feel like there needs to be a disclaimer before each post..."the poster is speaking as a _______. Thoughts, feelings and experiences are of the ______ alone and do not or may not fully represent all parties within the triad." Can we get one of those in with the smiley's???
