I to think OA is sometimes misread. One of the biggest misunderstanding is that EVERY OA is different & to a different degree. Also, the misunderstanding from people who aren't involved in adoption. The most frequently said comment I get when people hear we have open adoptions is, "Isn't that confusing to the child?" I usually respond with something like, "What is confusing for a child is knowing they are adopted but NOT knowing much about their Birth family or not being able to KNOW who they are & what they are about."
In our opinion having open adoptions is the only option for us, our children & their birth families. We may have alittle more contact than some families. Each of our 3 adoptions is very different.
With one we have visits only once a year because of distance. This one is alot of work on my part for our daughter. "I" make all the phone calls, "I" send pictures every couple of months & "I" set up the visits. DD BMom doesn't call enough, IMO. This year we FINALLY had DD 2 birth brothers come & spend some time with us this Summer!! We have more contact through email & calls with her BGrandparents. DD is 8 now.
With the next DD who is now 6, we USE to have visits with Birth mom everytime there was a break at school. She would spend every break with us, Easter, Summer, Thanksgivng, Christmas. She got married a couple years ago & now moved to OK, we live in WI. Now we only see her at Christmas & in Summer. But no more overnight stays. We still have many phone calls & emails. BUT, we still see DD Birth Grandparents every couple of months. They only live 2 hours away.
With DS who will be 5 next month we have again a different OA. Birthmom & I are very close, like close friends. We call each other often & email often just to chit chat or whine! LOL DS has 3 older bsibs & 1 younger. The oldest bsister comes & spends the whole summers with us, Easter & Christmas break. BMom will call often & ask for younger bbrother to come for the weekends so she gets a break. With this adoption too we have contact with extended Birth family members. We go to their family picnics, cookouts, graduations, etc.
I kinda got long on this, but I wanted to show just in our family how different OA can be. Our OA's change all the time!! Lives change, situations change, people change. I have always said about our OA situations that our children don't ever have any doubts who they look like, where they came from, who they are, who is Mommy & Daddy, etc. If I don't have the answers to questions they have about their adoptions, the answers are just a phone call or email away.
Deb