[lovemy2boys]

Hmmm...I'm sure that it OA MAY be misrepresented, but I also think there are so many factors that go into each OA...the people involved, the education received, the extended families, etc...

It can be "unintrusive, relaxed and a non issue"...and for the most part, I do find this is the case with one of our OA's...but not with the other, which although more difficult, certainly not extreme...

Our oldest son's firstmom was given a very wrong explanation of what an OA was - and took it all at face value...at the same time, we were given a very rosy, fantasy-like education on how it should be...we BELIEVED it would be relaxed and unintrusive, and that just wasn't the case...So in that aspect, I think OA was misrepresented to all of us...

Having said that, I don't think ours is a very extreme case - basically some boundary issues that needed (and still at times needs) to be addressed...Nothing that couldn't be worked through, and thankfully, we are all getting to a better place.

I agree that some of the things on here can scare off hopeful couples...but I wish I would have known ALL aspects of OA so I could have been better prepared to navigate ours.

GRACE...you're right too, that many times people come here for support...that's why I turned to a.com...so for every extreme case, there are, I'm sure, and equal or greater number of "average" cases...For me, education was definately the key for moving our OA from awkward to more relaxed...

ETA - added the word NOT in front of extreme - lol