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Do you ever feel OA is misrepresented?
Cuz I sure do.
I'm in a fully open adoption - and things are pretty darn good. Everyone gets along, we really like each other. M enjoys visits as do I and his entire birthfamily. We have visits once or twice a year (because of his birthmoms busy schedule) and the odd phone call here and there. We are friends on facebook and can easily keep informally in touch there.....
The thing that bothers me is that I think some people feel open adoption means more than what it actually is. Or should I say - they don't realize how different each situation is.
There is alot of talk about children having another mother (and/or father) and how that could be confusing. I realize in some cases this comes up. Sometimes the disagreement is over titles - sometimes over the actual role. In MY family, this is just such a non issue. M has one mom and one birthmom. We are two very different things. He calls birthmom by her name - which is working well in our situation. Someday he may change his mind - but I doubt he will. If he does - that's HIS choice. It is certainly NOT being pressed onto us by his birthmom (who wanted to be called by her first name). I know alot of people on here say how their kids have two mom's - and I know some of you feel that way and want it that way. I just don't see it that way.
Another thing I think about....When people get worried about a birthmother encrouching on their lives and making it hard to bond because they don't feel like it's truly their child... I completely understand - and in some cases this happens. But I gotta tell ya - this just has not been an issue for me. In fact with most people I know involved in OA - it's the aparents that are wishing for MORE from the birthfamilies.
There is just so much on this forum that could really freak a hopeful adoptive parent out....Sometimes I think we talk about extremes too often - on ALL sides of the triad.
Open adoption can be a very unintrusive thing. It can be relaxed - it can be a non-issue.
sometimes i think that sometimes we forget that...
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Leigh
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