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Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom
For me, birthdays are complicated. They're not easy for one thing, and yes, they are celebrations of her birth, but are also anniversaries of the day the child is no longer with me.
Also, I worry about overstepping and crossing a boundary on her birthday. Does her Mom really want to hear from me? In the heart of their celebration does she want her phone ringing with the reminder that she's not Cupcake's Only Mom on the other end? I don't know...so I don't call. Or even email.
I sent an email the next day asking how the birthday went though.
We all process differently and react to birthdays differently. Just because she doesn't reach out to you on his birthday doesn't mean she doesn't acknowledge the date in her own way. Believe me, I live this  |
No kidding huh? I mail a card to my kiddo and that is as good as it will ever get. Am I happy that he is alive to celebrate his bday? Sure, we almost lost him that day after all. BUT, it has been made clear that I am not his family, so to me a phone call would not be welcome. I know I will NEVER be invited to a birthday party.
For me, his birthday, although a day to celebrate, is also a day to grieve, and I probably will forever. It may be hard to accept, but moving on happens SO slowly and it is circular. I might move on for awhile, but something might happen and I am back where I was four years ago, alone, desperate, depressed and losing my only child.