My goodness you could be ME! E's first bday was last Thursday as well!
I found that when I couldn't tolerate my own feelings (guilt mostly) I wanted her to be "better" ASAP and really it's her life, her decision, her own process.
I too had possibly unrealistic expectations of what our OA would look like. Some days I just felt numb with disappointment but now it is what it is and it's just good and that's fine with me.
When they start selling the guidebook on Amazon let me know!
