[Becki_in_IN]

Originally Posted by Aminah

I agree with not having sympathy for foster families that essentially want to steal your family from you. I am not in agreement with many people on this site that feel as if foster families have the same rights as biological families once they have been in the home for 6 months and beyond. There is a timeframe where I can concur with that belief but it's well beyond 2 years. That length of time does not give you the rights of familial relationships with someone for the next 70 - 80 years and essentially canceling their biological relationships. I do appreciate the kindness and sacrifice many foster families make.

I feel about 90% sorry for the ffamily that I am currently working with. I don't feel completely sorry because the family knew the foster family of my nephew that was previously in care. Therefore, the ffamily knew W had siblings and never inquired about them and also knew that my family came forward before and my nephew H was returned. The ffamily has also been uncooperative and rude to me on several ocassions. I said hello to the fd on two ocassions and he acted like I didn't exist. The fm slammed her car door in my face b/c her fs was saying hello to me. The fm has tried to get me to do 9am visits during the week when I'm driving 2.5 hours from NJ to come visit W in PA. She has a 20 minute drive. The fm even went as far as trying to get the CW to mandate this time. I tried compromising with her and said 10am but she wouldn't budge. However, the CW realized the foster mom's ridiculousness and mandated 10am. The foster mom also tried to not give a visit in a particular week since it had to be changed to earlier in the week. The foster mom assumed that I was doing something else inappropriate with my time and said aloud to the CW "Is she going shopping with her girlfriends?," referring to why I could not come down later in the week. When the caseworker told her that she would send an aide to pick up my nephew if she wouldn't bring him, the visit was then agreed upon. Nonetheless, I have documented all of these things with the CW. Recently, the fd has not been in the vehicle when dropping off W for our visits. The fm has been neutral and even has her generous moments. She offered to create a list of favorite foods of W's and gave us W's most recent pictures. I'm hoping we can stay along this nice route.

However, I need some advice. My nephew W turned two this Jul '08. He will probably we moved in Oct. '08 or Nov. '08. That's my prediction. I am not sure how to go about continued contact with the ffamily and possible visitations. I do not know much about their care for children but it appears that they are very good foster parents to all of their children. They have a very good relationship with W. My only concern with continued contact with the ffamily is how they have treated me and my family. I believe my nephew has 1 family and you're either part of that family or not. I don't want him divided.

Any suggestions on how to go about continued communication, contact, visitations, or just what to do next regarding the ffamily? Keep in mind that I live 2.5 hours from the ffamily.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a crystal ball?

I have been on both sides of this issue. I never would have thought that my kids would even want any contact with foster families or biofamilies, but they do. We adopted them at 2. I'd encourage you to try to think long term. Do you think it would be important to him when he is older? No there is no way they could remember, but they still would like to know them. Because of that experience, we do see K's former foster family occasionally.

It's really atough call.