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Originally Posted by Boulderbabe
When you say "steal," you imply somehow that a child is your property, and that it is your right of ownership that we should be concerned about.
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When I say steal, you assume that I am implying a child is property. No, I used steal to explain exactly how SOME children are separated forever from their bfamily in sneaky ways. You take issue with the word, that is fine. However, you could use some of your own advice and trying thinking of the word from the point of view that I was trying to use it, rather than your own point of view. I wrote the statement from my point of view, not with your negative undertone. When the best place for the child to grow up is with bfamily, the bfamily is ignored or shut out, I consider that stealing a child. Yes, a judge can make decisions, but a judge can make a decision on incomplete information, especially if the family that has come forward is not presented to the judge. If you like the word kidnap better, that's fine too.
Your point of view is very interesting in that you are very Pro-FFamily because you believe that is in the best interest of the child when a child has been in care months to possibly years. However, when I say that I am Pro-BFamily, you assume I'm not thinking of it as in the best interest of the child. I certainly am as it pertains to W. I have no problem with disagreeing with you on this.
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Originally Posted by Boulderbabe
As I have said several times, child welfare systems should strongly prefer keeping children with their families of origin whenever possible. But after years in foster care, kids develop really significant attachments to their foster families. ... If biofamily shows up early in the case, fabulous. They should be the placement option of choice and the kids should be moved quickly. But once the kids have been in care for many months or even years, I do not think they should be moved unless absolutely necessary.
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As all this relates to my nephew, I'm surprised by your response in regards to WHY you believe he should remain in care. From reading your previous posts, you seemed to go into more of what may be best for the child and looking into other details that could cause influence. I think issues of race, culture, religion, biological ties, and the fact that my family has been in the picture since the time my sister was still making RU efforts (very early in the process). There's more to what is in the best interest of a child than temporary stability. There are long-term effects to being adopted that can be compounded with identity issues due to race, religion, culture, etc.
In regards to advice, I guess "looking at the picture from the point of view of the ffamily" was advice. I guess I was looking for something that I could actually use in regards to planning visitation with them. I was hoping to get specific suggestions. I felt like your response was more of an attack than trying to help.