[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by Aminah

I think we are going to disagree in the fact that children in fact can be stolen and when you give birth to a child you in fact do have a great deal of rights, and children have rights to be with their biological families.

Biological parents have rights, and the judicial process is designed to protect those. The child welfare process is incredibly time consuming and bureaucratic precisely because there has to be a high bar to overriding parental rights.

As I have said several times, child welfare systems should strongly prefer keeping children with their families of origin whenever possible. But after years in foster care, kids develop really significant attachments to their foster families. That's normal, natural, and an almost inevitable part of human development. When those attachments are disrupted, kids suffer psychologically. We know that--decades of study have proven it. It is important for kids' wellbeing not to rupture those attachments. That is why I think that time is everything. If biofamily shows up early in the case, fabulous. They should be the placement option of choice and the kids should be moved quickly. But once the kids have been in care for many months or even years, I do not think they should be moved unless absolutely necessary.

I’m sorry if you took offense to the word steal, but I believe that “stealing” does take place in some cases where the biological family comes forward and the foster family and agency fight you for RU.

When you say "steal," you imply somehow that a child is your property, and that it is your right of ownership that we should be concerned about. Me, I do not care very much about adults' feelings or concerns in these cases. I care about what is right and best for kids. So the question isn't, "Who does this child belong to," but "what is the best possible place for this kid to grow up." The agency may have had different ideas about what the best possible placement was for your nephew. Fine--that's what court is for. Everyone presents their recommendations, and the judge decides. This talk about "stealing" is silly.

However, you really failed to give me any advice besides be defensive on behalf of foster families. I do not have a problem disagreeing with you but I do have a problem with the defensive nature of your post and ultimately the lack of advice you gave.

To be perfectly honest, if anybody had asked my advice before they moved your nephew/son, I would have said that a kid who has been with the same foster family for two years should not be moved. If they had asked my advice on the day he had come into care, I would have said overwhelmingly that he should be with you. But after years in care, I would prioritize stability.

You said I didn't give you advice. That's not true--I just didn't give you advice you agreed with. I suggested that looking at things from the foster family's perspective might improve your relationship with thim, and help make a more supportive environment for W. You didn't like that advice. But hey, it's the Internet. The advice is free. If you don't like my advice, you're perfectly welcome to take somebody else's, or find a competent therapist whose advice you like and to pay for it.