[Mama_K]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

I think that at this point, it's pretty hard to tell what the best thing to do is. You cut off contact for months, which is why he doesn't know them any more. If this were the first week you'd had him, I would really encourage you to keep contact open if at all possible, so that M could experience some continuity and stability of care. Now, after the rupture, it's very difficult to say what to do.

I think it's very easy to overinterpret little things. Them taking him out of your arms? Probably not a big deal, unless it was extremely forceful or something. Them taking pictures of him? Sounds pretty natural to me---I take pictures of my former fdaughters when I see them, too! They're getting so big, and I love to have new photos for the fridge. Heck, their other foster mom and I even email each other copies of the photos so we both have the really cute ones, and their amom swaps copies with us, too.

What did disturb me was the whole "let us adopt him" thing. That sounds pretty inappropriate for a birthday party. It's okay, and even good, to set limits around that kind of talk. I totally understand their grief---a year is a very long time to have a child and then to lose him---but I think you're right that the birthday party wasn't the place for that conversation.

In the end, I think I would still encourage you to have openness and ongoing contact with them, but with very clear boundaries. Someday, when M is trying to make sense of everything that happened to him when he was young, he will be glad to have them available to ask about what happened in his infancy. He'll be grateful to know he was adored and cared for. There won't be a big black hole in his life and nobody to ask about it.

I think it would be a very good thing if you can build a caring, supportive relationship for M with them. They are probably as suspicious of you as you are of them---but maybe, because you both love this child, you can overcome your anger and get together for M's sake.

The fp had him 4 months until Kinship started, not a year- they were told at the beginning when he was placed with them they couldn't adopt him- I understand they fell in love with M, and I told them from the beginning we were all for them being the Aunt & Uncle, until they kept calling every two weeks, we had 3 dr. appts a week for M when he was placed in our care and had no time for just US. They wouldn't stop calling until the SW said something to them. Then they started driving by our house and stopping on the side of the road to see him. (CREEPY)- My house is OUR space-when someone violates our space it makes you wonder is this in the best interest of the child.