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Originally Posted by Aminah
I agree with not having sympathy for foster families that essentially want to steal your family from you......I am not sure how to go about continued contact with the ffamily and possible visitations. I do not know much about their care for children but it appears that they are very good foster parents to all of their children. They have a very good relationship with W. My only concern with continued contact with the ffamily is how they have treated me and my family. I believe my nephew has 1 family and you're either part of that family or not. I don't want him divided.
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I'm not sure that "stealing" is a very helpful word here. Children are not objects, and they aren't property. They can't be stolen, because they aren't property, and they can't be stolen from you, because you don't own them. So maybe it's better not to think about "stealing" and who has the rights to possess a child, and think more about the child as a person in a set of relationships.
Can I make a suggestion? Try thinking about it through W's eyes. You may think "he has one family, and that is it." But he's been part of another family, his foster family, for more than two years. How old is he? Two years must be a huge chunk of his life, and to a child, even a few months is like forever. To W, this other family *is* his family. He has attached to them. So losing them suddenly, and having to leave them forever with no ongoing contact, is basically exactly what it would be like to have your mother or father die. It's a huge event with lifelong consequences.
If this family has been good to W, and he loves them, I think you should make an ENORMOUS effort to continue contact. It's not for them. It's not for you. It's for W, who will suffer tremendous harm if he's wrenched out of the family he feels is his and never allowed to see them again. Yah, maybe they're not the nicest to you. I'd bet they think you're not very nice to them, either. But the adults have got to put their differences aside and work together to make the transition okay for W. He's the one who matters.