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Originally Posted by Aminah
Mom2blessings, I appreciate your insight regarding the rarity of birth families stepping forward on behalf of their family members. I have been wondering about this topic for a long time and why the agency I am working with was taken aback by my families persistence.
I am currently going through the process of adopting my nephew. It has been a very stressful process for my family and me. My family currently cares for 7 out of 8 of my sister’s children. We were able to get 4 of them out of foster care with no problem and placed into my mother’s care. The 5th child my sister V was able to get straight from the hospital without a fight. The 6th child was taken into foster care. My family had to fight to get him out of foster care and my sister V finally adopted him. The 7th child was taken straight from the hospital without him entering foster care. Now comes the 8th child… he was placed into foster care from a prison hospital. My family didn’t know what to do initially b/c my sister A was being uncooperative and claimed her boyfriend, the bf, was coming to get the 8th child W. He did not and therefore the child was placed in foster care in PA in July of 2006.
It was my understanding that relative placements were to be considered first according to the state statute. My mother was contacted and did not want to take custody considering she was caring for 4 already along with her daughter, making it 5. However, my grandparents or my sister were not contacted. The agency was aware of their existence and that they were currently caring from part of the sibling group.
My sister A was released from prison in September of 2006 and immediately contacted the agency. She began complying with her case plan and having visitations with W. She was making progress until around July 2007 when she broke contact.
Meanwhile, my grandparents contacted the agency inquiring about my nephew and reiterating that they wanted to be considered as resources if my sister’s efforts failed. In March 2007, a referral was finally made to DYFS in NJ on behalf of my grandparents and placement of W. DYFS tends to be very slow with interstate requests. My grandparents were approved on October 31, 2007. The agency in PA later claimed to not know my grandparents were referred for a home-study, would not return phone calls on many occasions, and would not allow my family to visit my nephew. The CW in NJ called wondering why W was not placed in the home. The agency in PA finally sent a two sentence letter 5 months later on April 1, 2008 stating that they would not place W with my grandparents and for any other relatives to come forward. This was after my grandparents called the agency countless times, had a meeting with them in Dec. 2007, made more phone calls, and finally sent them a 5 page letter inquiring about their lack of progress. My family later learned my grandparents were denied because of their age (which is illegal) and even more astounding considering they recently privately adopted one of my sister’s children who is currently 5.
I sent in a letter stating I would like to be considered as a resource the same day my grandparents learned of their denial. I would have notified the agency sooner but I had no reason to doubt that my grandparents would be denied. The agency also surprisingly called my older sister asking if she wanted to be considered as a resource in mid-April 2008. Initially, the agency was aloof and uncooperative. However, I took a different approach and hired a lawyer, sent in complaint letters anytime the CW didn’t call me back in a timely manner, wrote several letters to the GAL, judge, supervisor, CW and fp.
Things are looking much different than they were initially. Unfortunately, the fp were mislead to believe that no family came forward and they were assured they would be able to adopt. The fp were notified of my grandparents denial as a resource months before my family was notified. The PA agency also tried to terminate my sister’s rights and begin adoption proceedings without communicating any of this to my family. I was so angered by the PA agency and wondered why they would not place my nephew with family when we are caring for 7 of his siblings already. However, I realize now that my CW is unfortunately a dud and probably did not inform herself about the case as she should have. It is frustrating for families that do come forward. It is even more frustrating to learn that many agencies do not comply with the statute that requires them to search for relatives and consider all relatives for adoption in order to receive federal monies.
Unfortunately, the fp’s are going to be devastated when my nephew is moved. It is unfair to them that he is going to be moved, and it is unfair to my family that we missed out on 2 years of his life.
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My goodness--this was horrible, and through no fault of the relatives or the ffamily. So unfair to everyone involved.
Our lil guy's biological half-sister told the social worker about dh and I within days of being taken into care. He dismissed us by saying it would take too long to get us approved-an ICPC was needed as we were in Hawaii and they were in Florida. So, five months later we called and insisted-we realized bparents were not going to get lil guy back. It took 11 months until he was placed with us, and I had to call and be very UNpleasant to get it done.
Like Helen, we gave lil guy Christmas presents and an album of pictures of us and all of his bfamily. Then months later the ffamily excused their behavior by saying they didn't know about us. They had SEEN PICTURES OF US-THE COURT DOCUMENTS HAD "PLACEMENT WITH RELATIVES AS THE GOAL" for months!
I do feel for foster parents that lose a beloved child unexpectedly. I especially feel for foster parents that raise a baby until it is a toddler and then the child goes home.
I have no sympathy for foster parents who just decide on their own "this is the one" and then fight reunion with bfamily.
Again, I regret the horrific experience you went through.