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For me, the most important thing has been to honor and respect the child's grief. It's a big transition, and they're bound to be angry, sad and confused. I try not to be too much in their faces at first. I keep things VERY calm and low key the first few days (which is hard, because the SWs induce a lot of chaos in the early days of a placement). If the child is crying or is scared, I say things like, "this is a very big change for you, isn't it? I bet you miss your grandfather/mom/foster mom."
I don't wash their clothes for the first few days, unless I absolutely have to. New laundry detergent smells seem to weird them out a little bit. I also don't buy a lot of new clothes unless I have to---even if their clothes are worn or ill-fitting, it helps to have their own stuff with them. Definitely do not wash teddies or blankies, no matter how awful they smell---the familiar smell is reassuring!
As for the limited contact: I blame EVERYTHING on the judge. I tell them that because their moms and dads are having a hard time keeping them safe, a judge is making all the decisions for them right now. We all have to do what the judge says, because that is the law. Right now, the judge has said that calling Mom is a bad idea, and he/she has said that we aren't allowed to. When the judge says that we can, we will, but not until then.
Just keep saying "We have to do what the judge says" over and over. It's very helpful in the time leading up to TPR, because when TPR comes, we can say, "I'm so sorry, honey, but the judge says that you can't go back to your mom's house."
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