Last week before my son's swimming lesson I was waiting in a lobby full of Park and Rec personnel who were discussing one of their disabled (CP/developmentally disabled) clients. One said to two of the others - 'Well you know... she isn't his [i]REAL[i]mother. She adopted him." (The comment was followed by a pregnant pause and a 'knowing' - "Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh....." from the two other women.) Oooh... I just wanted to SCREAM!
I'm usually one to confront behavior 'on the spot', but this time I just bristled. I felt a little bit like I would be interfering in a conversation I was not a part of (although it was impossible for anyone standing there NOT to hear them)... and in that situation we're supposed to act like we DON'T hear them (right?)
I saw a logical response from them being - "Ah... we weren't talking to YOU." I also gave some thought to the fact that I'd be 'outing' my son.
I guess this is plaguing me because it seems I've been hearing a lot of comments on TV in recent weeks that suggest adoption is 'second best' (ONLY after infertility) and/or a 'last resort', and in at least once instance 'a failure' (for not meeting the right person and having 2.5 bio children)... and I'm feeling REALLY defensive!!
What would YOU all have done/said?? And what can we ALL do to make the language (and perception) more positive??
I think I need to spend some time 'preparing' for some of these instances so my response is more automatic.