[thanksgivingmom]

Phew, I'm glad what I wrote came across the way I intended!!!

I agree though surrounded....legally enforceable open adoption agreements would prevent all of this grief, and would protect all parties, especially the child.

As for "what do we do?"

I play the game. I've figured out the rules as best as I can and I adhere to them. I say what I'm supposed to say work on developing the relationship with Cupcake's Mom so that hopefully one day it won't feel like that. For me, there are no other choices at this point.

The thing is, I'm only at this point. I'm only 20 months into this. I can't say how I will feel/react when I'm four years into it as Leigh is. I can't say when it will be too much to take the blame for the sake of everyone else. I will not close the adoption, no matter how painful it could ever become, BUT I do believe that it's also my responsibility to take care of myself so that I'll be my best for Cupcake.