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Originally Posted by trixila
We adopted b/c we wanted to be parents. This whole topic is iffy for us, though. The decision to adopt domestically was driven by the fact that my husband had placed his daughter for adoption back in 1979. As it turns out, both of our children were born to birthparents who were not in a position to parent. While these wonderful birthparents hearts were in the right place, it was very clear that adoption was truly in the best interest of the child. Child abuse, neglect, drug abuse, CPS taking away children, jail, all of these factors were present. My son and daughter will have a better life than if they had remained with their birthparents. Would I ever share this information with people telling me that my child is lucky to be in my home? Heck no! So I demur, and say "No, I am the lucky one." Not every adoption has the drama that proceeded ours. But as we have open adoptions, I do see that the children being parented by our children's birthparents do face a harder road in some aspects. The comment that 'they are so lucky to have you as parents' does have a foundation of fact. My kids are being raised in a two parent home, our insurance covers some of their therapies, we can afford private schools (barely) and stability reigns. However, I have become totally used to people constantly telling me how lucky my kids are.
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In as much as that may be true, your children will figure it out for themselves, to be told by qanyone else, or to have others proclaim how they should be grateful is an insult. you adopted because you wanted children, the fact that the peole that "should" have given them food and shelter could't is sad for the child. they don't need to feel an extra layer of guilt because adoptive parents took in this POOR child. You want o increase confidence that these kids belong with you, to infer that they should be grateful could do the opposite.
Like i said, they will be grateful for their lives and will understand on their very own. Please don't tell them they "should" be.
I know for a fact I was better off and I am grateful I was brought up in the family I was. BUT, I am NOT grateeful I had to be adopted in the first place. Thats sad.