Hi Mdesi; I'm not an a-parent I'm actually a b-mom but I can so relate to your post and your feelings behind it. My "pet peeve" is how I gave "this wonderful gift to parents who wanted a child to raise." Ugh...gag me!
Never ever have I either been or known anyone so generous that they'd present an unknown couple with the gift of a child. Its stupid to even think I'd carry a baby 9 months and give it to someone just to make them happy! I was a pregnant 16 year old not a canidate for sainthood and never once did anyone else's feelings and well-being other than my unborn daughters enter my mind.
I also agree to disagree with akcskye. I know there are exceptions to every rule but most of the a-parents I know adopted b/c they wanted children, for whatever reason, not b/c the kids needed them. I have a best friend who adopted a girl after having 5 boys! Its obvious she didn't do it b/c of the child's need, heck the child was in utero when she was selected to parent, but she only agreed after it was determined the baby would be female; it was her own desire/ need to raise a girl, period.
I also know people unable to conceive who will only foster kids whose parents are making every attempt to regain custody. They have no desire to adopt. Not only do they foster but they hold fund-raisers to help support families in need with donations, (car seats, pampers, $$$, cribs, food etc.) and I honestly feel they are doing this "for the child (ren.)"
I hope I'm not bashed for my opinion, its only that. Tracy