[carolynppk]

Don't get me wrong. I am just trying to figure out where her emotions are since my mom has died and why she may feel the way she does. She has seemed to really back away. And me not asking her about has nothing to do with her, that's me. In all honesty, I should say, "Are things okay?" but for me, that is too scary. It would be like that with anyone. I do not do confrontation well (Unless it is a stranger or some sort of customer service type of thing). So I don't feel her feelings are coming before mine. I don't feel that I have to be the "good adoptee". And honestly, I do feel that if anyone in my triad needs more consideration to their feelings, it is her. I cannot possibly begin to understand what she went through. I had a wonderful life. And even though the adoption worked for her and she would do the same thing again, that doesn't mean it was easy.

I think the reason most of us walk on eggshells in because this is not your normal relationship. The actual bond is so deep and yet the time that goes with that normal relationship is not there. Trying to put all that time into something in a matter of a few months or even a couple of years is impossible. All of this while in the same time trying to, for the bmoms, (especially those of the closed era) deal with all the emotions that came with placing us. I know for back then they were told we were not theirs, they were told to never think of us again, back in that era, you did not talk about things, even divorce, especially adoption, so think of keeping that bottled up, supressed, thinking you would never have to look at it again and then suddenly, unexpectedly having it throw in your lap. A lot to process. (I was who looked for her.) So, no, I don't fit into what many adoptees feel. And not that someone feelings come before another, but on this subject, I do believe for myself and my situation, hers do.

Carolyn