Leigh, I know you know I've written about this, thought about this, been stuck on this ever since the first text (I didn't know for sure, but I feared something like this) and STILL I sit just stunned.
For others interested in the whole "fear" issue at this age, I think there are some good and interesting discussions going on in Blogland. I'd start here:
Lurking in the darkness — a birth mother! | this woman's work and then read this one
“A statement of fear or a statement of fact?” | this woman's work
Not necessarily easy to read - meaning it's written well but brings up some thoughts - but good stuff.