[kakuehl]

Frankly, all titles are a problem depending on individual points of view. All of them can have positives or negatives depending on our own experiences. I tend to use birthmom as a mater of convenience and for idenification purposes. If I define mother as the one who gave D life by nuturing him in my uterus and giving birth, that's me. If I define mother as the woman who raised D, that is S. D is and always will be my firstborn son. Genetically, physically, he is flesh of my flesh; nothing can change that. S, however, is is mother. I cannot change that; nor do I want to. It does make titles very complicated, for me however.

Someone talked about ways to make adoption win-win. I honestly don't believe that is possible. While I still believe (36 years later) that I made the best decision for D, that doesn't mean my life was not affected a great deal. I don't think that even open adoption removes the pain of having your child raised by someone else. It's funny, what hurts the most today is having D's children call me "Miss Kathy".