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I only mentioned asking (if it was anything she did or said) as a way to open communication with them and put in back on the adoptive parents shoulders to say "exactly" what they are not happy with in regards to their daughter being weirded out and if there is anything they feel could be done differently (on their part or hers) to try and make things more comfortable for their dd.
I'm not trying to imply their decision had anything to do with the birthmother. More than likely it has to do with the adoptive parents comfort level or just the natural changes a child that age experiences.
I also know that this age between 3-4 can bring out different behaviours in a child. I remember when my daughter turned 3 she started acting different around her birthfamily too, she is now 4 and many of those behaviours (shyness) is now going away(her birthfamily may not have even noticed what I had noticed). My son who is 3 was the most outgoing and happy baby in the world. He used to call out for attention everywhere we went. But now that he is 3 I'm also noticing some shyness behaviours in him in regards to his birthfamily (not really anyone else). His grandma has noticed it as well. She's even asked if anything was wrong with him the last several times we've visited. So his change in behaviour is more noticable.
It's possible the adoptive parents are noticing changes in their childs behavior that are legitimate as well(even if others are not). That doesn't mean that the birthmother has done anything wrong. It may just be her age.
But talking about it and asking questions might get the adoptive parents to be more open about what their concerns are and how they can be addressed. Rather than stopping visits as the only action taken.
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