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Thanks, everyone, for your considered insight. Keep it coming. It is really helpful.
DSS knows the bios break the rules, particularly in regard to sneak visitation and contact, but they do absolutely nothing about it, except write it up in the court summary as a strike against the bios.
Way back, when relative visitation was to first occur (off DSS property) and I was alarmed by the idea of bios showing up, the DSS supervisor said, "If the parents show up, the kids will tell us." I said, "Well, (Sonny Boy) won't. He's an infant. And it's not fair for (Honey Girl) to be a mandated reporter, esp since her loyalities already lie with the birthmom." Of course, birth mom did show, Honey Girl told, and nothing, absolutely nothing, happened. Relative visitation continued.
These kids have no GAL volunteer assigned to the case, if that is what ya'll mean when you say GAL. There is a GAL attorney, but he has never met the children or contacted me for info prior, during or after the hearings. I have several times requested a GAL volunteer, particularly for Honey Girl, but it falls on deaf ears. Big GAL volunteer shortage in my county, complicated by the fact that grandfather lives in a different county.
Off my soapbox and back to the present dilemma: Eomaia raised a good point and I hope he/she will post again.
Of course Honey Girl knows her bio's phone number and names. Of course, she could call them from a friend's cell phone. What she does secretly I can't really control. However, I do want to obey the judge's orders on my end and therefore do not wish to allow continued nightly phone contact (per the judge) should I take her into custody (esp after the parents are TPRed.)
I'd love to head this issue off at the pass, so if anyone has some experience dealing with the issue of phone/contact with the bios, please elaborate. I need all the help I can get!
I do have caller ID (of course!) and number blocking so that unidentified numbers can't get through. I have never called the bios from my home phone as they also have caller ID.
I have been really sheltered from this issue phone issue with Sonny Boy because he was a tiny baby when I got him and obviously could not participate in phone conversations. The bios have never called me and Sonny Boy has never asked me to call them. I do call them once a week for a quick courtesy call, but I am not required by the court or DSS to do so, as the goal is TPR.
The bios are mostly uninterested in Sonny Boy. Long story. But they are very invested in Honey Girl. So I know it will be very different dynamic to take her.
Keep the advice coming. :-)
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