Quote:
|
Originally Posted by zxczxcasdasd
This is where I'm philosophically torn...
Yeah, brown, you definitely got the "but what if he's a big jerk?" scenario.  But I do know that he was ultimately told, and before the adoption was completed.
In theory, I think we all want everyone to have equal rights and responsibilties...but in practice, I think there are situations where a woman judges that the father of her unborn is not a fit father and uses her judgment as a mother to do what she believes to be in the best interests of the child, even if it means denying the man his due process...because the child's welfare is judged to be more important than his rights. (I think this is what you're saying TG?...correct me if I'm wrong.)
See as much as I am glad hubby asserted his rights and would want J to assert his (hopefully there will never be a need to)...if I were pregnant and carrying a child in my belly, but I knew that I messed up big time in my choice of partner and I believed the guy in question would be a horrible father- I don't know if I could set aside my judgment for what I wanted for my child in favor of the man's rights to be notified and asked for consent.
Granted, it's absolutely possible to use that power (to withhold information) vindictively, foolishly or unfairly. And I'm sure it happens. But it can also be used to protect a child from what a mother would judge to be an unhealthly situation. |
There you go again saying things so much more clearly than I could
These absolutely were thoughts that I experienced during the process. I mean, it's "okay" for aparents to cut people out of kids' lives as a "parenting decision" - it's at least sometimes accepted and understood....but what I did isn't.
Believe me, it didn't feel good, it
doesn't feel good, and I know one day there will be fall out from it all. That won't be fun to deal with either.
But YES, at some point I had to consider what was BEST for Cupcake. There were signs that pointed to her birthfather NOT being what was best for Cupcake.
For instance: Cupcake's birthfather was a Dad before we got together so I had SEEN him parenting a kid too (one day a week visitation). I had gone to his house to find his son (2 years old) alone in the living room while bdad was sleeping. Why? Because he wasn't feeling well and knew I would show up eventually and would watch his son. It's not like I had PLANS to be there in five minutes or something - and even then NOT COOL to just leave a 2 year old essentially alone in a house (a house that has a doggie door he could fit through by the way.....)
I realize maybe it was a fluke. I realize maybe he wouldn't do that every day. But he just didn't care when he DID do it. I couldn't imagine finding him doing that to my child!
I don't think that ONE day is enough to justify what I did....and believe me, I have more, I just won't share it here. If anyone wants to have a private discussion about this I can, but not on a public forum
I DON'T think I'm entirely justified. I know that. I don't feel all warm and fuzzy about the situation. I usually feel pretty much like a big jerk about it.