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So much good advice has already been given, but I wanted to address the issue with the card. Signing the card "mom" is one thing, but wanting to be called "mom" is another. The bmom has done the former, but we don't know for sure if the latter is true at this point.
I remember when I first signed letters in my semi-open adoption. I didn't know HOW to sign my name, because even though I've always considered my son's amom as his mom, I wasn't sure what I was. To sign "Peachy" seemed strange because I carried and gave birth to this child and will always feel on some level I am his mom (note: not his parent, not his only mother or primary/main mother, but not not a mom, either, if that makes any sense!). I coudn't sign "mom" because that didn't feel right and I was afraid to offend his mom. I ended up signing my name, but it was extremely weird in the beginning. I think it would have felt even weirder in a fully open adoption.
Maybe your bmom is struggling with this. We birthmoms are moms and aren't moms at the same time. Maybe you and bmom could agree that your child won't call her "mom," and for signing letters and such, if you are not comfortable with her signing "mom" there is another name she can use that will acknowledge her position as birthmom without sounding so odd ("love, your birthmom" sounds kind of strange to me, but maybe it works for others).
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