[browneyes0707]

I'm totally supportive of father's rights, always have been. The choice to initially hide my decision to place my DD stems from the fact that my ex wanted nothing to do with me or my decision making process. The messed up part is for 4 months, he couldn't even tell me he wanted nothing to do with me, he'd promise he'd be there and then run when I tried to talk to him. He ditched me and hung up on me and then apologize and then he did it again. We eventually had a falling out, in which I made my decision not to terminate as I told him I would.

I wanted him there. I wanted him to help me make decisions and voice his opinions. He chose not to. If he wanted to parent, he should have told me and I would have listened. But he chose not to. I put up with several months of his back and forth behavior because I wanted him to step up. And whether it be guilt or just plain sheer fear that made him act that way, I don't know. But I shouldn't have had to bear the brunt of it.

I didn't keep it from him intentionally, I always wanted him to know and be a part of it, but after we had a huge fight, I'll admit I enjoyed the silence and the lack of aggrivation. I wasn't sure if he'd listen to me anyway. I was going to tell him after the fact, but because the state in which I placed required me to attempt to let him know. So I did, and he came around, at least in the respect that he gave me some support at the end. He didn't fight the adoption, nor did he express any interest in parenting.

I never regretted having to tell him before hand. I'm glad he had the opportunity to speak up if he wanted to, to be a part of at least the last few months. But had I not been told I had to, I wouldn't have, I'd have waited until I had "proof" that I indeed had a child. I'm glad you are teaching your son to have respect for women, and to be proactive in the face of an unplanned pregnancy to know what his rights are. To answer your question, I think for every woman who puts "unknown" down for the father, there is a woman who desperately wants the father to be involved, but he's declined the opportunity. And it's important for a man to know that he has that opportunity and to take advantage of it, whatever the decision is. If you want the rights, use them. I found out a few years later that my ex was pro-life but never once did he tell me that during the course of my pregnancy, and it wasn't for lack of him feeling he couldn't. He chose not to.