[thanksgivingmom]

I'm working on this one H.....I know that what I did wasn't "right." At the time though, I truly couldn't see past the "wrongs" he did to see my "wrongs" you know?

It became a parenting decision that I was protecting Cupcake. I mean, people tend to understand if you protect your child from someone on drugs, from someone that is dangerous physically, from someone that has other concrete examples of poor behavior.

But from someone that just doesn't want them to exist? It's harder to understand. I truly believed that his opinion on Cupcake WAS dangerous. Yes, not in the same way perhaps that someone that's physically violent is, but the scars aren't any less tragic.

Like I said, I think I have more to say, but I'm definitely still working through it on my own....

Also, sometimes it's hard to admit things about birthfathers....I believe that it reflects on me in a huge way. That I was having sex with this person despite all these flaws that I now see as being clear indicators of someone that I wouldn't want as my child's father. Were I raising Cupcake I wouldn't want him very involved. I know that's not fair, but I wouldn't. And although I don't share them, I have my reasons.