Quote:
You have perfect insight into her problem. She CAN'T be happy. Your success shows up her failure as a mother. Your happiness highlights her misery. That makes YOU responsible for her failure and misery, so she attacks you verbally.
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Can I say, WOW?! When I read those words, something inside of me stood up and shouted YES, YES, YES.....I think she does blame me. She blames herself too...and she takes it out on me, because that's what she does as a person. I know she is in pain, and blames me. I mean, who would get all upset and start yelling at someone that they just come there to hurt her because of a cigarette comment?!?!! Good grief! Yet, she can spew off REAL hurtful comments and I'm suppose to just take them. For instance, she always makes these comments about how the doctor wanted her to get an abortion, but it was too late. And how she could have gone to a backstreet place had she wanted to. And I never know what to say to those comments, so I usually just say, Well I'm glad you didn't. And then last night, she wouldn't let it go, so I said, "well would you have, if you could have." And she replies back, "Well I have to think about that one...I might have, afterall I've had three more, because of medical reasons, and I would have probably been scared....sooooo I just might have." Who says that to a person?!?!!?!?!?!?! She also did let me into some of her pain, when she said, "Well I really felt that once I placed you I'd be free to go on with my plans, but I did feel empty." Still...she thought she'd be free?!!?!?!? Sorry to have to be strapped down with me, if that's how she saw it?! She is so contradictory to me at times, that I think she says those things just to try to hurt me. Never once have I said, Well I am glad you didn't parent me.....I would NEVER say that......UGH UGH UGH
Yeah, I am starting to see that I am angry! Angry at how she treats me...and I don't want to be the Angry Adoptee that walks away...but where do I go from here?!!?!?!??!????!???!?!?!?!?!