I'm really not a thread starter but I had a conversation with my son J yesterday that got me thinking and I wanted to explore it further here.
Being that J is himself the product of a teen pregnancy, the subject of teen pregnancy or unplanned pregnancy is not an uncommon one around our house. It just comes up because, well, it's part of our story as a family. J, at 19, is already older than his father was when J was born and his dad was the sole custodial parent from pretty much the beginning.
Anyway, as much as we've covered preventing pregnancy, it occurred to me that I hadn't really gone over with him what his rights and responsibilties would be in the case (God forbid) an unplanned pregnancy did occur where he was the father. So I explained to him what putative father registries are and what he would need to do should he wish to assert or retain his parental rights to any potential child.
He was horrified to learn that a girl could potentially place his child for adoption in a putative registry state without his knowledge if he hadn't registered there, or that by simple putting "unknown" down for the father, he could just be excluded from the whole process and his child could be adopted without any notification or consent from him. As the mother of a young man (and another one getting there), and the wife of a man who as a teen father did raise his own child, I agree that this seems unjust to fathers.
On the other hand, there are several first moms here whom I highly respect who I know made the choice to proceed with the adoption without either identifying or seeking consent from the fathers of their children and I believe did so thoughtfully and with significant reasons.
So I'm feeling philosophically torn.
I guess my question is...do fathers have a fundamental right to be notified and asked for consent regarding their children whether the mother wishes to or not? Or, do mothers have the fundamental right to choose what happens to their child without having to seek consent from it's father or even notify him if they do not wish to?
If the answer it, "it depends," on what does it depend?
If a man expresses no interest in parenting, or is a general jerk, early in the pregnancy, is he just "out" of the process from then on, or does he get the chance to make the final decision only after the child is born as the mother does?
Are there any adoptive parents who would not proceed with an adoption without the notification and consent of the father? I'm also wondering if any aparents knew that the mother of their child knew the identity of the father, but did not wish to reveal it and so he was not notified or asked for consent.
I can see there are many sides to the issue other than the one closest to us personally (the father's angle) so I'm hoping for some more input from people who have lived the various angles other than ours (first mothers and adoptive parents).
Thank you in advance for sharing!!
